The End of Childhood.

It’s a scary thought, but things are going to change.

Things are changing every day, from the position of the Earth’s tectonic plates, to the rise and fall of the tides, to the way in which each one of us has to view the world. And really, I’ve been running from that. Psychologically speaking, the mind likes an equilibrium, a state of non-change, of peace. The thing is, that isn’t going to happen unless you’re complacent and happy with being led through life instead of leading your life.

So how do we keep changing?

We recognize that it’s necessary.

Puberty is a rough time for everyone, growing taller and wider, starting to discover yourself sexually. It’s so rough and awkward that even talking about it I feel like a creep. Yeesh. But really, we all get through it. Think of the “college years” as a second puberty, the time at which we start to grow into adults mentally and emotionally. It’s even harder to deal with this time, isn’t it? Now we’ve got so many new things coming at us, and we need to adapt more quickly. We need to support ourselves financially, we need to get ourselves up for that job we don’t want because it leads to the job we do want. We have to exercise, eat right, save money, find a future spouse if we want a family someday (it’s not like there’s endless time on that issue). And all of those things can be terrifying sometimes. They scare the Hell out of me sometimes!

…But you know… I kind of like having some of those things that I have. I have a really great girl in my life, and the future with a family doesn’t scare me anymore. The future scares me, but the parts with a wife and my family don’t. It’s not a feeling of being smitten, it’s just the truth: I am not scared of the parts in my life that will involve my plans for a family someday. I’ve realized that that thought isn’t one that scares me.

And exercise? Eating right? Those are things I can start right now, things I have already half-heartedly begun. It’s crazy to say that I’m scared to do those things now, because I know I can do them now. I’m already doing them! I know that I can manage that responsibility on my own right now.

Hell, I’m even getting up at 6:30 half the time now. That’s halfway there, halfway to my goal of waking up at a decent hour each day. There’s no need to fear the responsibility of that, or fear failing that goal. I’ve already accomplished it on quite a few days, enough that I can see a pattern of when and why I fail to wake up at that decent hour.

So what really even has a right to bother me right now? Sure, I can say that my finances aren’t in order. And I don’t have a job right now, just a long-term career path in a job that won’t pay off anytime soon (aka acting…try to keep up :) ). Now those two really are scary to look at for me, but it’s only two of six major things that used to scare me. More than half my work’s begun, and I can certainly do the rest. It’s going to hurt a lot taking those first couple of steps, but the pain will subside when I keep going towards it all.

Things are going to change. But they only change the way I want if I take the first steps.


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